Quick Personality And Blonde Jokes

Personality
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The more you cry, the less you have to pee.

I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.

I used to be schizophrenic, but we're all right now.

I've told you for the fifty-thousandth time, stop exaggerating.

My psychiatrist says I'm manic-depressive - I have mixed feelings about that.

"Did you make the debating team?"
"N-n-no. They s-s-said I w-w-wasn't t-t-tall enough."

The difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know, and I couldn't
care less.

Stress is when you wake up screaming, and then you realize that you haven't
fallen asleep yet.

Dumb? He's so dumb whenever he leaves his car he leaves the windows down so
he won't lock himself out.

Q: How do crazy people get through the forest?
A: They take the psycho path.

Q: How do you get a redhead to argue with you?
A: Say something.


Brunettes
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Q: Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
A: It matches their mustache!

Q: Why do brunettes like their dark hair color?
A: It doesn't show the dirt!

Q: How do brunettes get the tangles out their hair?
A: With a rake!

Q: What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
A: The invitation!

Q: Why did they quit selling brunette Barbie dolls?
A: Parents felt the dandruff might be contagious!

Q: How can you tell a brunette is lonely?
A: Check her for a pulse!

Blonde
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On her way home, the blonde drove past a sign that said, "CLEAN RESTROOMS, 8
MILES." Eight miles later, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.

There was a blonde going on a vacation with one of her friends. When she was
in the car, they saw a sign that said Disney World left, so they went home.

Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel.

Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.

Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her an enema.

Q: Why don't blondes get coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.

Q: What do you call a circle of blondes?
A: A dope ring.

Q: How do you get a blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave.

Q: What did the blonde call her pet zebra?
A: Spot.

Q: What do you call a blonde driving a car?
A: An air bag.

Q: What do you call 2 blondes in the freezer?
A: Frosted flakes.

Q: How do you get a twinkle in a blondes eye?
A: Shine a flashlight in her ears.

Q: What do you call a blonde with 1/2 a brain?
A: Gifted.

Q: How does a blonde hemophiliac cure herself?
A: With acupuncture.

Q: Why did 18 blondes go to the R-rated movie?
A: They heard that under 17 was not admitted.

Q: What do you call a blonde on a college campus?
A: A visitor.

Q: What do you call a brunette between 2 blondes?
A: An interpreter.

Q: Why do blondes write "TGIF" on their sneakers?
A: To remind them that "Toes Go In First."

Q: How did the blonde break her arm raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.

Q: What do you call 22 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.

Q: What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
A: Both are empty from the neck up.

Q: What's similar about UFO's and a *smart* blonde?
A: You keep hearing about them, but you never see one.

Q: What do you have when three blondes are in a corner?
A: An air pocket.

Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they always get their head stuck in the jar.

Q: Why should you keep a blonde on the job 7 days a week?
A: Takes too much to retrain them every Monday.

Q: Why didn't the blonde have an ice cubes for her party?
A: She lost the recipe.

Q: How can you tell when a blonde has used your computer?
A: There's whiteout all over the screen.

Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the kitchen?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables.

Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.

Q: How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 100. 1 to change the bulb and 99 to say, "I can do that."

Q: What goes "VROOOM-SCREECH, VROOOM-SCREECH, VROOOM-SCREECH?"
A: A blonde at a flashing red light.

Q: What did the blonde say when she opened her box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh, look, doughnut seeds."

Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using your lawn mower?
A: The green "Welcome" mat is ripped to shreds.

Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
A: 100 - 1 to stir and 99 to peel the M&M's.

Q: Why can't blondes get a job in a pharmacist?
A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.

Q: What happened when the blonde got locked in the car?
A: Her blonde boyfriend had to use a clothes hanger to get her out.

Q: Why did the blonde resolve to have only three children?
A: Because she read that one child out of every four born was Chinese.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who won the gold medal at the Olympics?
A: She had it bronzed.

Q: Why was the Blonde so happy when she finished her puzzle in six months?
A: It said on the box 2-4 years!

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: Give her a bag of M&M's and tell her to put them in alphabetical order.

Q: What did the blonde say when the job interviewer said, "Spell your name?"
A: Y-O-U-R N-A-M-E

Q: If a blonde and a brunette fell out of an airplane, who would land first?
A: The brunette, the blonde would stop to ask for directions.

Q: Why don't blondes like making Kool-Aid?
A: They can't figure out how to get 2 quarts of water into the little
package.

Q: Why did the blonde couple freeze to death in their car at a drive in
theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the winter."

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A blonde went to her mail box several times before it was even time for the
mailman to make his rounds. A neighbor noticed her repeated trips to the
curb and asked if she was waiting for a special delivery.

Her reply, "My computer keeps telling me I have mail."

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A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he
could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just
yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to
you."