Quick Medical Jokes

Veni, Vidi, Owie! -- I Came, I Saw, I Hurt Myself

If there's one thing I hate, it's a proctologist with poor depth perception.

My doctor sent me a bill with a note that said it was now one year old.
So I returned it with a note that said, "Happy Birthday."

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills.
My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

A doctor says to his patient, "I have good news and bad news... The good
news is that you are not a hypochondriac."


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A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm
shrinking!"

The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a
little patient."

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I went to see my doctor, "Doctor, every morning when I get up
and look in the mirror...I feel like throwing up...What's
wrong with me?"

He said, "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."

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"Doctor, I'm having that dream again," said a patient.

"Oh?" The shrink replies. "Which one?"

"The one where I'm into sadism, necrophilia, and bestiality. Should I be
worried or am I beating a dead horse?"