Quick Marriage Jokes

Extra-marital Affairs
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A popular airline recently introduced a special half rate fare for wives who
accompanied their husbands on business trips. Expecting great feedback, the
company sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the
special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Letters are still pouring
in asking, "What trip?"


Marriage
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I think, therefore I'm single.

My ex-wife's other car is a broom.

Women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

Do all marriage vows turn into vows of celibacy after 7 years?

I got this motor home for my wife.... the BEST deal I ever made!

My husband and I are equal in bathroom manners: He puts it up, I put it
down.

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves.
After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.

You never know what true happiness is until you are married, and then it is
too late.

Anybody who claims that marriage is a fifty-fifty proposition doesn't know
the first thing about women or fractions.

In olden times, it is reported that sacrifices were made at the altar.
Well, times haven't changed at all!

A woman wraps herself in Saran Wrap to lose weight. Her husband comes home
from work, sees her and says "leftovers again."

Q: How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
A: Marry it.

Q. Where does a husband hide money from his wife?
A. Under the vacuum cleaner.

Q: How does a woman in New York get rid of cockroaches?
A: She asks them for a commitment.

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals."

Q: What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A: After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Q: Where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment?
A: A mental hospital.

Q: Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
A: They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the
time.

Q: What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A: When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your brand new
car.

"Bigamy Is Having One Wife Too Many. Monogamy Is the Same."
- Bernard Yaboff

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals
through his wallet."
- Robin Williams

NEWLYWED: Do you want dinner?
SPOUSE: Sure, what are my choices?
NEWLYWED: Yes and no.

FOR SALE BY OWNER
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 Volumes. Excellent condition.
No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.