Upgrade To Windows '98

Have you upgraded yet to Windows '98?
If you do, here's a preview of the READ ME FIRST page...

Congratulations on your purchase of Windows 98 (c), the latest version of
the world's #1 computer operating system from Microsoft.

Before using your new software, please take the time to read these
instructions carefully. Failure to do so may further limit the terms of the
limited warranty. Windows 98 (c) represents a significant technological
improvement over Microsoft's previous operating system, Windows 95 (c).

You'll notice immediately that
* "98" is a higher number than "95,"
* a better than 3 percent increase.
But that's not all. Windows 98 (c) contains many features not found in
Windows 95 (c), or in any competing computer operating system, (if there
were any of course).

Among the improvements: faster storing and retrieving of files (not in all
models), enhanced "Caps Lock" and back-space functionality, smoother
handling, less knocking and pinging, an easy-to-follow 720-page User's
Guide, and rugged weather-resistant shrink wrap around the box. Most
important, Windows 98 (c) offers superior compatibility with all existing
Microsoft products. We're betting that you'll never use another company's
software again.

Windows 98 (c) comes factory-loaded with the latest version of Microsoft
Explorer, the world's most popular Internet browser. And despite what you
may have heard from the U.S. Department of Justice, Windows 98 (c) offers
you the freedom to select the Internet browser of your choice, whether it's
the one produced by the world's largest and most trusted software producer,
or by a smaller company that will either go out of business or become part
of the Microsoft family.

Configuring Windows 98 (c) to use a browser OTHER than Microsoft Explorer is
easy. Simply open the "Options" folder, click on the "time bomb" icon, and
select "Load Inferior Browser." A dialog box will ask "Are you sure?" Click
"yes." This question may be asked several more times in different ways and
in 12 different languages; just keep clicking "yes." Eventually, the
time-bomb icon will enlarge to fill the entire screen, signifying that the
browser is being loaded. You'll know the browser is fully loaded when the
fuse on the time bomb "runs out" and the screen "explodes." If at any time
after installation you become disappointed with the slow speed and frequent
data loss associated with other browsers, simply tap the space bar on your
keyboard. Microsoft Explorer will automatically be re-installed
permanently.

Windows 98 (c) also corrects, for the first time anywhere, the "Year 2000"
computer problem. As you may know, most computers store the current year as
a two-digit number and, as a result, many will mistake the year 2000 for
1900. Windows 98 (c) solves the problem by storing the year as a four-digit
number and, in theory, you won't have to upgrade this part of the operating
system until the year 10000.

However, the extra memory required to record the year in four digits has
prompted a few minor changes in the software's internal calendar.
Henceforth, Saturday and Sunday will be stored as a single day, known as
"Satsun," and the month of June will be replaced by two 15-day months called
"Bill" and "Melissa." Please also take the time to complete the online
registration form. It only takes a few minutes and will help us identify
the key software problems our customers want addressed. Be assured that
none of the information you provide, whether it's your Social Security
number, bank records, fingerprints, retina scan or sexual history, will be
shared with any outside company not already designated as a Microsoft
DataShare partner.

We've done our best to make using Windows 98 (c) as trouble-free as
possible. We want to hear from you if you're having any problems at all
with you software. Simply call our toll-free Helpline and follow the
recorded instructions carefully. (The Helpline is open every day but Satsun,
and is closed for the entire month of Bill.)

If we don't hear from you, we'll assume your software is working perfectly,
and an electronic message to that effect will be forwarded to the Justice
Department. We'll also send, in your name, a letter to the editor of your
hometown newspaper, reminding him or her that American consumers want
software designed by companies that are free to innovate, not by government
bureaucrats.

Again, thanks for choosing Windows 98 (c).