Top Ten Petty Gripes Microsoft Has With The Court

Microsoft is in court these days, defending its decision to integrate
browsing functions with its operating system. But the days in court are
harrowing for the brave boys and girls from Redmond, as we discover when we
examine their chief complaints and requests concerning the legal
proceedings:

10. Microsoft to court: "What do you mean precisely by 'world domination'?"

9. Lawrence Lessig used to steal Gates's lunch money in grade school. No
fair!

8. Request to clear the courtroom of disruptive laid-off Netscape
employees.

7. Joel Klein using Mac laptop to take notes--prejudiced!

6. Please make Ralph Nader put down his bullhorn while court is in session.

5. Please ask FBI Director Freeh to cease and desist Stealth flyovers of
Redmond.

4. Court recorder saying, "Wait a minute, I have to reboot," not helping
their case.

3. Request that Judge Jackson not refer to Microsoft lawyers as "you
people."

2. Removing MS lawyer Bill Neukom from the courtroom in shackles after
every session is demeaning.

1. Court's request to install airbags and seat belts in Windows might be
slightly extreme.