The Ultimate Rejection Letter

The next time you get a rejection letter from a hoped-for employer or
publisher, just send them the following:


Dear [name of the person who signed the rejection letter],

Thank you for your letter of [date of the rejection letter]. After careful
consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your
refusal to offer me [employment with your firm/a contract to publish my
book]. This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an
unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and
promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all
refusals.

Despite [name of the co or agency that sent you this letter]'s outstanding
qualifications and previous experience in rejecting
[applicants/manuscripts], I find that your rejection does not meet with my
needs at this time. Therefore, I will initiate [employment/publishing] with
your firm immediately following [graduation/job change, etc. -- get creative
here]. I look forward to working with you.

Best of luck in rejecting future [candidates/manuscripts].

Sincerely,
[your name]