Marriage Short Jokes: Page 3.
One evening, a wife drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?"
"I would love to," reply the husband, "but I don't know her that well."
A wife complains, "Our wall clock almost killed my mother today. It fell only seconds after she got up from the couch."
The husband mumbles, "Damn clock always was slow."
Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their professions:
The one guy says, "I'm a YUPPIE....ya know...Young, Urban Professional."
The second guy says, "I'm a DINK...ya know...Double Income, No Kids."
They asked the woman, "What are you?"
She replied......"I'm a WIFE...ya know....Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."
John comes home from work, walks into his bedroom, and finds a stranger making love to his wife.
He says, "What the hell are you doing?"
His wife turns to the stranger and says, "See, I told you he was stupid!"
Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, "were doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."
"We're short-handed, Smith" the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."
"Thanks, boss," says Smith "I knew I could count on you!"
A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives.
In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist.
Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender
Overheard: "Has your husband lived up to all the things he said before you were married?"
"No, He's only lived up to one of them."
"Which one was that?"
"He said he wasn't good enough for me."
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" I suggested,
"How about the kitchen?"
There were two guys, and one day they found a house of ill repute. The first guy goes in. He comes out a few minutes later and says with a sneer, "My wife is better!"
Then the second guy goes in, comes out and says, "You know what? Your wife IS better."